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Pretty much everyone has a goal at some point in their life. They may want to lose weight, get fit, write a novel, start a blog, or improve their sleep. The list goes on and on. Goals are great to have, but they are often really hard to achieve.
Motivation wanes, deadlines loom, life gets in the way and you’re not sure if you can keep going. When this happens it’s easy to think about quitting in pretty much any aspect of your life. If you feel like giving up on your goals, know that you’re not alone. Everyone gets discouraged from time to time.
It’s natural to feel like you can’t possibly continue with your goals when you hit a rough patch. If you want to consider the numbers, according to research from the University of Scranton, only eight percent of people end up achieving their goals.
Considering that statistic, you may think it’s not even worth trying, but I can tell you from personal experience that giving up is not the answer. I know this because I’m in the minority of people who have actually achieved a huge life goal and I’m going to teach you what to do if you want to give up.
Why People Quit
The first step to being successful at anything is figuring out what you’re doing wrong, or what’s stopping you. If you feel like you want to give up, then you need to think about the root of the problem.
Here are some common reasons people quit things:
- Chronic illness or pain – This is an issue I deal with a lot when trying to achieve my goals. I have chronic back problems because I have spinal stenosis, and this makes it hard for me to reach my fitness goals. This is especially true when pain flairs up. I also suffer from chronic sleep problems. I have insomnia, which makes it hard to fall and stay asleep, and hypersomnia, which means I have excessive daytime sleepiness. If you have chronic issues, then it may feel like achieving your goals is impossible.
- Fatigue – For some people, it may not be a chronic issue, but getting tired can zap your motivation.
- Setbacks – Missing one deadline, a change to your routine or a single day of being tired can easily snowball. If you let one thing slip it becomes easier to keep doing it. So, a minor setback can become a big disruption.
- Lack of rewards – We live in a society of instant gratification. Grocery delivery, Amazon Prime, streaming services, and instant feedback in the form of likes and comments on social media have conditioned us to expect everything to happen right away. Making any change is hard, and if it’s going to take a long time for your hard work to pay off, then that can be extremely challenging to overcome. It’s even harder to achieve a goal if you’re not guaranteed to succeed. No one wants to work hard and have nothing to show for it.
- Quitting is Easy – Everyone likes to be comfortable. Being in your comfort zone is safe and it protects you from stress. Quitting something and going back to your comfort zone is easy. If you’ve lived your life a certain way for long enough it is a lot easier to keep doing that than it is to make a change. But, if you never leave your comfort zone, you will never make progress in life.
- Fear of Failure –Fear of failure is incredibly common. In fact, more than 40 million adults have some type of phobia, anxiety, or stress disorder. If you want to learn what causes fear of failure, why you keep failing, and how to overcome fear of failing to be the person you have always wanted to be, then read my post, “How to Overcome Fear of Failing and Achieve Your Goals.“
So, what’s making you want to quit? Write down your problems so that you know what you need to confront.
Focus on Values Not Goals
What is the why behind your goal? Do you want to be happier, healthier, more productive, or closer to your friends and family? If you’re only focusing on goals, then you probably won’t achieve any of these things.
You need to understand that values are what guide us. Goals can be motivating, but they are only the waypoints to your final destination. Values don’t change regardless of your goals.
At the beginning of the article, I told you that I achieved a big goal, and that goal was significantly improving my mental health. Some of the values behind that goal were family, flexibility, and persistence.
- Family: I wanted to be better for my family, and to show my kids it was possible.
- Flexibility: I wanted to stop being ruled by anxiety and fear and learn to be flexible and go with the flow.
- Persistence: I desired to continue trying despite the difficulties I would face because it was important for me to get better.
Getting to a place of mental calm and stability after suffering for most of my life wasn’t easy. In fact, it was a monumental challenge, but holding those values close to my heart kept me going.
Of course, I had goals like doing a certain number of mindfulness activities every week, completing my homework from therapy, and ultimately being happier and calmer. But my values didn’t go away because I achieved these goals, they are what keep me going to this day.
So, despite things like chronic pain and illnesses, minor setbacks, and discomfort, I’m able to live my life guided by values. I may not always make the right choice that aligns with my values, but if I do it regularly enough, I know I will make progress.
Need help discovering what values are important to you? Read my post about how values affect behavior. Or use my interactive Identifying Core Values Tool below.
Do You Have The Right Goals?
Now that you understand the difference between goals and values you need to determine if you have the right ones. To do this, you need to ask yourself a few questions:
- Is the goal achievable? Meaning is it physically possible for you to achieve it.
- Is the goal realistic? Given any limitations you may have, is the goal within your reach?
- Is the goal tied to a core value? If you can’t achieve your goal, how will your values keep you moving forward?
Let me offer you another personal example of how I examine whether my goals are the right ones.
I love hiking, and I have a goal of backpacking through the Grand Canyon one day. Unfortunately, I’m not currently fit enough to achieve this goal, but it is physically possible for me to get there. So, I started working with a dietician to help me eat better and lose weight. I also started lifting weights and exercising regularly. I’ve been on the right path, but what happens when life gets in the way?
Well, I recently started having major back problems again, and because of that, I’m unable to lift weights or even do some regular activities like mowing the lawn. I have to get an MRI, and I won’t know if my goal is realistic until I get the results and meet with different doctors. Right now, I only know two things for certain. Either I won’t ever be able to achieve my goal because my back is going to keep deteriorating, or it’s going to take me a lot longer because I need physical therapy.
If I didn’t know the value behind my goal this setback could be soul-crushing. Not only could it completely stop my progress, but it could lead to severe depression. Luckily, I know that my goal is tied to my value of adventure. I may never be able to backpack through the Grand Canyon because of physical limitations, but I can take an RV trip there. I could do other adventure activities like kayaking that don’t require me to carry weight on my back.
I can adjust my goals, but my life will always be guided by my values. Knowing that is a huge component of why I’m successful. Because I use my values as a GPS, I know if one road closes, I can simply take a different path.
Small Actions Lead to Big Results
Often when we think of goals, they are these grand things we hope to achieve. You may want to lose 100 pounds, run a marathon, become a CEO, or quit your job and be a full-time blogger. These are all great things to achieve if they are connected to values, but they can feel daunting.
For me, hiking the Grand Canyon may be a big goal close to my ultimate destination of living an adventurous life, but I’m going to have to take a lot of small steps to get there. So, I broke it down into smaller goals like eating right, losing weight, and being more physically active. Even those goals are not small enough, you must go deeper. In my case, eating right can be broken down into smaller goals like:
- Eating at regular times
- Adding more vegetables
- Listening to hunger cues
- Going more than a week without bingeing
- And so on.
You need to think about your big goals and write down all the little things that will help you get there. Then as you attempt to achieve these goals, keep your values in mind so that you continue to make progress.
If you really want to get good at doing this, I highly recommend you read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. It will teach you how to make tiny changes so you can see remarkable results.
Recognize Success and Know When to Take Breaks
As you move along toward your big goals and live a life of value, it’s important to recognize small victories and know when to take breaks. You don’t have to do something monumental to be successful.
For example, if you have the value of living a healthy life you may have the goal of running a marathon. Well, if you achieve a small goal of putting your running shoes on every day for a week then that should be celebrated, whether you go for a run or not. Keep small victories in mind, especially as you progress. In the marathon example, you may work hard and get to a point where you’re running five miles a day, but if you get sick you may have to stop for a week. In a moment like that, it would be easy to beat yourself up for losing progress but think back to where you started. Simply putting on shoes every day was a victory, so give yourself a break.
Take breaks when you’re burnt out, you need a breather, or if you’re simply having a bad day. You need to break the mindset that a small setback can derail you. Get comfortable starting and stopping. Time is going to move forward no matter what, so a few days or weeks off track doesn’t have to stop you. Just remember to check in with yourself and try to make choices that are reflective of your values.
What To Do If You Want To Give Up
It’s normal to second guess yourself or lose motivation when you’re trying to make changes in your life. So, how do you keep going when you want to give up? Identify your core values and hold them in your heart. Every time you get discouraged and want to quit, take a moment to remind yourself why you’re doing it. In what way is this goal aligned to your values and worth the effort?
Keep that motivation in your head and you’ll be able to stay on track and keep going. And remember, don’t beat yourself up over small setbacks. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is progress in life.
Take it from me, once you achieve one great thing you will have a ton of confidence to do more. Good luck, you’ve got this!
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