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Fear of failure is incredibly common. In fact, more than 40 million adults have some type of phobia, anxiety, or stress disorder. Maybe that’s part of the reason why only eight percent of people who set goals actually reach them. So, the next time you’re feeling scared and hopeless about making progress in your life, know that you’re not alone.
While these statistics can be discouraging, you should know that it is possible to overcome fear of failing and live a life of purpose. However, you must first understand why you’re failing and learn how to move past it so you can succeed. In this article, you will learn what causes fear of failure, why you keep failing, and how to overcome fear of failing to be the person you have always wanted to be.
What Causes Fear of Failure
When you feel like you can’t do something, the fear of failure can be overwhelming. There are many reasons why you might feel like you can’t succeed. Some of these reasons include:
- Lack of knowledge — If you lack the skills you need to succeed, you will undoubtedly feel like you can’t reach your goals.
- Imposter Syndrome — Even if you have knowledge or skill in an area, you may feel like you’re not qualified, or that you’re a fraud if you try to position yourself as an expert.
- Poor Self-Image — If you don’t believe you are good enough, you will have a hard time reaching your goals.
- No support system — If you don’t have anyone who believes in you, you’re more likely to feel like you can’t succeed.
- Perfectionism — If you think that everything you do must be perfect, you will never reach your goals because nothing is ever good enough. I like to call this analysis paralysis. If you relate to this, know that I do too. It took me a year to launch this blog because I spent so much time worrying about making it right.
- Social Anxiety — If success means putting yourself in front of other people and you have anxiety about being in social situations then it could be very hard to make progress.
- The Spotlight Effect — “The Spotlight Effect” is something many people experience when they put themselves out there in public. It’s the fear that when or if you screw up everyone will notice and judge you. In actuality, most people don’t notice your mistakes, especially if they are being presented with new information. People also focus more on themselves than others.
- Stage Fright — Similar to “The Spotlight Effect,” fear of being in public or hitting publish on a piece of content can trigger your fear of failing.
Of course, these reasons are not all-encompassing, but they are quite common. If you identify with any of these issues, then keep them in mind as you read through this article and learn about solutions to overcome your fear.
Why You Keep Failing
Hopefully, you now have a better idea about why you have a fear of failing, now it’s time to figure out why you keep failing.
On my podcast, I interviewed Emily Sander, Founder of Next Level Coaching and she offered a great explanation of why people fail. They get stuck in what she calls “The Failure Loop.”
“Think of a series of loops connected in an overall chain. That chain goes up into the right in the direction of progress. But when you have a failure event, like a presentation that didn’t go well, or messing up in front of people, you go back down to the left. This is the opposite direction of progress, and a lot of people stop there. People stew in their own pools of pessimism, and it feels crappy.”
You can see a visual representation of “The Failure Loop” in the diagram below, and I think being stuck in this bottom loop is something a lot of people can relate to.
Resource Worth Buying: Emily wrote an amazing book called “Hacking Executive Leadership” and I highly recommend picking up a copy. It’s not just for those who want to be executives, it’s for anyone who wants to succeed and be the leader of their own life.
There are two more big problems that lead to failure. The first is not understanding the why behind your goals or having the wrong goals. The second is simply not taking action towards achieving your goals. Keep reading if you want to learn how to break out of “The Failure Loop” and set the right goals, but first we need to discuss the importance of acknowledging your fear.
Be Honest About Your Fear of Failure
The first step in overcoming fear of failing is being honest with yourself about your fear. When you’re overcome with fear and anxiety, it’s easy to get stuck. You stay in a state of paralysis, unable to act. When you acknowledge that you’re afraid, you can start to break free from it because you’re no longer avoiding the issue and pretending that you’re not afraid.
Acknowledge your fear and making a promise to yourself that you won’t let it control you. You can fulfill this promise by identifying your values and taking committed action based on those values.
Start By Connecting Your Goals to Values
Goals are great to have, but they’re different from values. A goal is typically something specific you hope to achieve. Values are about living a certain way whether you achieve your goals or not. Goals are also future-focused. They are something you achieve. values are connected to the present, where you live your life.
Let me offer you an example, running a marathon vs working towards living an active lifestyle. When you run the marathon you’re done, and you have reached your goal. When you commit to being physically active regardless of the goal that’s a value. You could break your leg and not be able to run a marathon, but you can find other ways to live your value. For example, you could kayak, lift weights, or stretch.
If you focus solely on achieving goals, you will likely find dissatisfaction once you reach them. If you make choices every day based on your values, then you will never fail because you’re living a life of purpose.
When you think of goals, keep them flexible in your mind so that if your circumstances change you can still move forward. Goals are like waypoints on a trip and a value is your destination. Sometimes the route changes and that’s ok.
So, when you’re ready to make progress in life you can start by identifying your core values. The the interactive tool below will walk you through several questions to help you surface those values.
Take Committed Action to Achieve Your Goals
Once you have identified your values, you can use them to take committed action towards the life you want to live. In turn, that will help you achieve your goals. Fear often prevents people from taking action towards their goals, but if action is tied to strong values, then it becomes easier to overcome. I call this “Brute Forcing Your Anxiety,” and I wrote about how I achieved this in my post, “How to Conquer Your Anxiety With Brute Force.”
Let’s consider an example of how committed action works in practice. If one of your goals is to start your own business, then a value behind that goal might be independence. Here are some actions you can take towards being independent:
- Research how to start the type of business you’re interested in.
- Find groups on LinkedIn or Facebook to connect with and learn from people who have done it.
- Set a deadline for yourself to launch the business.
But what happens if you miss a step, or something prevents you from starting that business? Well, you can adjust your actions based on your value of independence. You could instead:
- Start budgeting your money to work on financial independence.
- Look for a less demanding job so you have more time to work on a side hustle.
- Take classes to learn new skills.
You can’t control the outcome of every situation, but you can control how you react to it by training yourself to focus on values-based action. When you commit to action regardless of the outcome, it’s easier to overcome fear. Even if your fear of failing has paralyzed you, a strong core value could help you break free from that fear.
Understand Why Fear of Failing is an Opportunity
Failing is an inescapable part of life. You cannot grow or learn without testing your limits, challenging yourself with new experiences, and taking risks. Failure can be a scary proposition, but it need not be the end of the world. In fact, failure often makes way for new opportunities and personal growth.
Try shifting your perspective to see your fears in a new light. Sander explains that this is how you can escape the “Failure Loop.”
“When you make a mistake, instead of getting stuck, you can pull out the lessons and takeaways and apply them going forward. Once you do that exercise and apply it, you’ve just propelled yourself up the next rung in the chain, and you’ve gone back up into the right. If you do a series of these throughout your life, you will make continual progress, and that’s actually the mark of a successful person.”
Failure is an opportunity that leads to mastery. You can’t expect to be good at something that you’ve never done before. Pick yourself back up and push forward to propel yourself to success.
That said, there will always be difficult times when you will feel like you want to give up. To learn how to keep going when that happens, read my post, “What to Do if you Want to Give Up”
Boost Your Self Confidence
You might not consciously think about it, but your mood affects every aspect of your life. If you’re feeling down, you likely don’t have the motivation to go and do anything. Let alone take on something that gives you a fear of failure.
There are many different things you can do to boost your self-confidence. Eat right, get physical activity, build mental health into your routine, or take a self-development course. These are just a few examples, check out my post “20 Ways to Improve Your Mood and Motivation Today” for more.
Calm Your Anxiety and Practice Self-Care
There’s a big difference between conquering your anxiety and calming your anxiety. Knowing the right approach to take depends on the situation. If you’re having trouble making progress because anxiety is getting in your way, then you need to focus on overcoming it. However, if you’re overwhelmed and frustrated by anxious thoughts that fuel your fear of failure, then there are actions you can take to ease it.
This can include calm breathing, interrupting negative thoughts, exercising, and talking to a friend to name a few. For more ideas, read the post, “14 Ways to Ease Anxiety When You’re Overwhelmed.”
Change your Environment
You can’t control how others act or feel towards you, but you can change your environment. If there are people or situations that cause you anxiety, remove yourself from them as much as possible. Take a break from social media, avoid negative people, and surround yourself with people who make you feel empowered.
Environmental problems can be physical too. I work in a basement office and there’s no natural light. This makes me feel tired and unmotivated, so I bought full spectrum light bulbs to simulate the sun. I also try to get some physical activity and natural light in the middle of my day.
Think about your environment and what could be negatively affecting you. If you have the power to change those factors commit to action with your values in mind.
Find People Who Support You
Surround yourself with successful people and you’re more likely to succeed. So, find other people who are succeeding at the things you want to do and learn from them. You can join online groups or go to in-person meet ups. There’s a group for every hobby or activity out there. Chances are many people have been where you are and overcame their fears. Learn from them.
Additionally, it’s important to have a good emotional support system. Whether it’s friends or family, lean into the relationships that matter most to you. If they don’t support your dreams, maybe you should reassess that relationship.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Everyone Else
Society conditions us to compare ourselves to everyone else. It’s easy to hop on social media and see people who are doing the things we want to do and get jealous or frustrated. What you see online are the highlight reels of people’s lives. Not the low points.
If you want to look at progress, compare yourself today to where you were a week, month, or year ago. Everyone will have a different journey.
Additionally, it’s important to have confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t put too much weight on other people’s opinions. Validation is great, but once you stop focusing so much on what others think it’s like a cheat code for life. Having compassion and kindness towards yourself is the first step towards achieving this mindset.
Don’t Let Fear Paralyze You
If you’re afraid of failing, you won’t try anything new. And if you don’t try anything new, you’ll never learn how to succeed. I’ve given you a lot to think about in this post. Take time to digest it, bookmark the page and come back to it. Then, instead of letting fear stop you, take small steps toward success. Start by trying one strategy from this post at a time. Then build on those successes and persist in the face of adversity.
I know you have what it takes to overcome your fear of failing inside of you, now it’s your turn to believe that and live the life you have always wanted.
