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It can be hard to find a sense of peace in our hectic lives. We are constantly faced with challenges and stressful situations that can feel impossible to overcome. We’re bombarded with constant noise: phone notifications, emails, text messages, advertisements, every news story is “breaking news,” there are constant interruptions. Modern society is enough to make anyone’s head spin.
So, how do you chill the f out amongst all that noise?
Well, there are a lot of different things you can do, but in this post, I want to focus on how equanimity can help you live a calmer more balanced life.
What is Equanimity?
Equanimity is a state of mind where you are calm and composed, no matter what is happening around you. It means reacting to situations with balance and composure. It means being able to see the bigger picture, recognizing that things don’t always go as planned and being okay with it.
Think of it like being the eye of a hurricane. Everything around you could be chaotic and swirling, but inside you’re calm. I’ll talk more about different examples, but first, let’s look at where the idea for equanimity originated.
Where did Equanimity Originate?
The word equanimity comes from the Latin word aequanimitas meaning “composure, calmness” and is typically defined as having an even temper or a tranquil state of mind in the face of stress. The idea of equanimity is rooted in Buddhist teachings. But, that’s an oversimplified explanation of equanimity’s origins.
Buddhist tradition includes a complex history of the concept of equanimity, which has had different meanings over time. Theravadan Buddhist literature has had a profound influence on what we think of as modern mindfulness-based practices in Western society. It defines the term as “neutral feeling,” which is neither pleasant nor unpleasant and does not intensify or dull mental states. You might think of this as being even-keeled, steadied, well balanced.
This is the definition I’m discussing in this post. I don’t claim to be an expert on Buddhism, but if you dig deeper into equanimity you’ll find varying definitions, and if you pursue this concept further that may be something of value to you.
Examples of Cultivating Equanimity in Everyday Life
Let’s talk about examples of equanimity. I already mentioned the idea of being the eye of the hurricane, but how does that look in practice?
The most common example you will find is during meditation. Finding a quiet place to meditate isn’t always easy. You’ll often hear dogs barking, people talking, HVAC systems turning on, lawn mowing, and a thousand other things. I meditate before I go to bed while my wife watches TV on her iPad. If you don’t have equanimity, focusing on meditating can be really challenging.
Having equanimity means coming at it with an attitude of the world is going to keep going on around me, but I’m going to be chill. I’m not going to let these distractions affect me.
When you practice this, it can carry over to other aspects of your life. Work for example. I work in communications, and I often find that when I write something it will be changed by the stakeholder. When this happens, the messaging is often more convoluted and less clear than it was originally written. It can be very frustrating when you work hard on something and someone with less, or zero, experience changes it. This used to upset me a lot, but now I can usually let it go, or at least let it go quickly if I have an initial negative reaction. I can’t say the same for many of my co-workers, as they are frequently upset when this happens to them.
I get it, you may be passionate about your work, but what good is being upset doing for you? What benefits do you get by harboring these negative feelings? Work is a contract; you’re paid for your time. So, my suggestion would be to find a passion outside of work. That’s why I have this blog. I have control over my passion, and I let work be work. But if you can’t do that, then equanimity can give you some distance from negative feelings so that work can continue being your passion. It will also help you avoid burnout.
That’s not to confuse equanimity with apathy. I’m not telling you to stop caring about the quality of your work. Equanimity gives you balance so you can choose how you want to react. I’ll talk more about the difference between apathy and equanimity in a moment, but let’s first examine one more example of using equanimity in everyday life.
Imagine if you could use equanimity when having a disagreement with another person. You can disagree with someone and be passionate about your side of the argument without letting it control your emotions. With equanimity, you can stay emotionally neutral, which in turn will strengthen your argument. If the other person is raising their voice and getting animated while you remain calm, your argument will appear stronger. And if you’re wrong, you can take in the other person’s side more objectively to come to that conclusion. I promise this works. I used to have huge fights with my wife, but now it rarely rises to that level unless there’s a really good reason.
Equanimity Vs. Apathy?
The word equanimity is often confused with apathy. So, what’s the difference? Apathy is the complete lack of emotion or enthusiasm. Equanimity is a sense of calmness and balance in the face of tension and adversity.
Apathy prevents you from thoughtfully examining different situations. It’s an attitude of “I simply don’t give a crap.” You should care about the world around you and the situations you find yourself in. It can easily lead to depression when you don’t care about things that happen in your life or the world. If lots of people adopted that attitude, then the world would be an even darker place. This idea is greatly expanded upon in Mark Manson’s book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.”
I highly recommend this book. It’s a quick and easy read, and it will help you learn how to reprioritize your life.
Equanimity is the perfect antidote to the craziness of our modern lives. It’s a way to maintain composure in the face of difficulty, to not let life’s drama get you down.
The Benefits of Equanimity
The benefits of equanimity are unlimited. It can help you better manage stress and anxiety. It can make your relationships stronger, and it can even make you more successful in your career.
By holding equanimity in your mind, you can create self-awareness. You can focus on what’s going on internally and how it’s affecting you instead of letting external forces, like social media, news headlines or a million other life annoyances steer you wrong. It allows you to take more constructive action rather than allowing emotions to determine your response.
Practicing equanimity has many other benefits as well such as:
- Increased confidence
- Improved decision-making
- Less stress
- Better quality sleep
- Increased energy levels
How to Achieve Equanimity
So how do you achieve this desirable attitude? There are many ways you can practice equanimity. Here are five tips for how you can chill the f out with equanimity in your everyday life:
1. Start a daily meditation practice.
When you meditate, you can take time for yourself to just be. You can sit quietly and do nothing but be in the moment with no worries or concerns. It’s a time for you to step back from your life and collect your thoughts before moving forward with your day or week ahead. You can also use meditation to find peace in any stressful situation.
2. Set realistic goals for yourself.
Don’t expect too much from yourself or others. If you’re constantly disappointed, it can be hard to be chill about things. That’s not to say you shouldn’t set goals. You should, but you need to break them down so they are more obtainable. Over time you can do great things if you make small changes every day. James Clear’s book, “Atomic Habits” can teach you exactly how to do this.
If you want to make a sustainable change in your life, I highly recommend picking up a copy.
3. Take time for self-care.
Whether it’s taking a bath, buying a Frappuccino, or going for a walk outside just to breathe in some fresh air, self-care is important when you want to adopt a calmer attitude.
4. Be mindful.
Be more mindful of your surroundings; don’t multitask so much; give each moment its own attention. Notice the small moments of joy throughout your day. The good news is, that you can learn to be mindful without meditation.
5. Be more carefree.
Try to consciously adopt a more carefree attitude, this will build over time. Apply it to one situation that comes up in your life and see how it goes, then build upon that experience. Focusing on improving your mood is a good way to start.
I hope you found this introduction to equanimity helpful, and I challenge you to use it to chill the f out when you’re stressed.
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