Are you experiencing holiday anxiety? It’s not uncommon. According to a survey from BetterHelp, nearly half of Americans worry about their mental health during the holidays. But why is this the case when it’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year?
There are a variety of potential triggers for holiday anxiety. You may be stressed about an obligation to spend time with toxic family members. Perhaps you’re worried about finding the right gifts or having enough time to cross everything off your to-do list. Maybe you have social anxiety and the idea of attending parties in unfamiliar places with new people sends your heartbeat racing. Even if you love the holidays, it’s easy to feel anxious when there are so many pressures, expectations, and activities going on. It’s surprising to me that more people don’t experience holiday anxiety.
While anxiety may be common this time of year, it doesn’t have to ruin the season or your life. This post will help you understand why the holidays give you anxiety and offer tips to deal with holiday anxiety so you can stay sane through New Year’s Eve.
What Causes Holiday Anxiety?
We expect the holidays to be a time of joy and cheer, but this expectation can leave you feeling frustrated, disappointed, and anxious when reality doesn’t match up. There’s another word you could use in place of expectations for this scenario — fantasies.
The fact is that the holidays are a lot of work. There are shopping trips, parties, and family get-togethers to plan for and attend. There are decorations to put up, gifts to buy, meals to cook, and traditions to uphold. Additionally, when you layer on the responsibilities of everyday life like going to work, cooking dinner, and keeping your home clean, the holidays can be completely overwhelming. And there’s a chance you’ll be feeling extra anxious because you’re not meeting your usual standards.
Not only will it be challenging to live up to your expectations, but it’s likely your family will have expectations of you as well. Attending family events can mean having to travel, which can be a hassle even if it’s a relatively short distance, especially when you have children of your own. You may be expected to prepare a dish or baked goods on top of all the prep you must do for your holiday celebrations. You may get limited time off, and if you’re someone who needs low-key quiet time to recharge then it can be frustrating to burn vacation days to spend time with family. All of this can be true even if you have a loving well-adjusted family, but what if you don’t?
If you have toxic family members and you’re expected to spend time with them then that can be very triggering for holiday anxiety. I personally have a difficult relationship with my parents and other members of my family. So, I don’t enjoy spending time with them, but I sometimes go because I’ve been conditioned to feel guilty about not going. The experience itself is usually frustrating, and the anxiety leading up to the event is even worse.
Other common reasons for holiday anxiety can include feeling pressured to uphold certain traditions, worrying about having enough time to get everything done, fear of spending the season alone, or social anxiety, which I’ll discuss in a moment.
When you sit and think about it, there are truly several reasons why so many people have holiday anxiety. Maybe we should start calling it the most anxious time of the year.
Holiday Social Anxiety
It’s not just generalized anxiety that can flare up during the holidays. Social anxiety is a very common concern as well. When you’re experiencing holiday anxiety, social anxiety may make it even harder for you to enjoy the season.
Social anxiety makes the holidays complicated, consider these common worries:
- Your anxiety will keep you from enjoying the events you want to attend.
- People will say or do things that will make you feel even worse.
- Not knowing what to do at the parties you attend.
- Doing something that is embarrassing or offends someone else.
- Running out of things to say when trying to make conversation.
It can be easy to get down on yourself when you’re dealing with social anxiety. You may feel like everyone else at the party is having a great time and you’re just the wallflower who has nothing to contribute. But social anxiety doesn’t have to hinder your fun. You can take steps to manage your anxiety and make the most of your holiday season. Keep reading to learn how.
How To Recognize Holiday Anxiety
Before I talk about tips to reduce holiday anxiety, it’s important to know how to recognize when it occurs. After all, how can you address a problem if you’re blind to it?
One of the telltale signs of holiday anxiety is negative thoughts. You may think, “This is going to be the worst Christmas ever!” or “I’ll never find the time to get everything done!” Negative thoughts like these can make you feel stressed out and anxious.
Another clue is that you suddenly find it hard to sleep or relax. You may have trouble sleeping because your mind is racing, or you have a hard time shutting off. You may also feel restless when you try to sit still for long periods. When you’re anxious, it can be hard to relax.
Holiday anxiety can also show up as physical symptoms. Your heart may race. You may feel sweaty and find it hard to breathe. Your hands may start to shake. You may feel lightheaded. You may have trouble concentrating.
Finally, feelings of dread can be an indicator that you’re experiencing holiday anxiety. Are you dreading going to that family function? Baking? Wrapping presents?
Once you notice your holiday anxiety, you can start taking steps to ease it.
How To Deal With Holiday Anxiety
There are many ways to manage anxiety, more than I can cover in a single blog post, but the following tips should provide some help.
1. Hold Expectations Lightly
The pressure to live up to your own and other people’s expectations can be overwhelming. Try to hold them lightly in your heart. This means taking a step back and noticing expectations and thoughts without getting wrapped up in them.
For example, if you normally cook prime rib for Christmas, but you didn’t have time to order one this year you may think, “Christmas is ruined because I couldn’t uphold this tradition.” The truth is that while traditions are great to have, what they are really about is finding moments to connect with the present and spend time with loved ones. So whether you’re eating, turkey, ham, or Chinese food, the moment will still exist. It may end up being a new fond memory. In the future, everyone may laugh and say, “Hey, remember the time we had Chinese food on Christmas?”
To hold your expectations lightly, notice your thoughts for what they are, thoughts not facts. So, when you have a thought like, “Christmas is ruined,” try instead saying, “I’m having the thought that Christmas is ruined.” Then if the thought is unhelpful, you can visualize letting it float on like a leaf in a stream. There’s no need to continue letting it cloud your experience.
2. Notice The Small Moments
There can be a lot to do around the holidays, so it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of it all. Try to remind yourself to notice small moments of joy throughout the season. This can be watching a favorite movie, being present during traditions like picking out a tree, or focusing on the experience of baking cookies without worrying about what you have to do next.
Worrying about your to-do list while you’re engaged in another activity won’t make it any easier to cross off. But being engaged in each moment will help bring feelings of joy to your holidays.
To learn more about the importance of being present for each moment, read my post, “How to Enjoy Life’s Little Moments.”
3. Manage Negative Thoughts
Be mindful of your thoughts. Are you dwelling on negative thoughts? Getting caught up in negative thinking can derail your holiday season and make it difficult to find joy. I already discussed holding expectations and thoughts lightly, but there are also ways to analyze and reframe your thoughts.
To learn how to manage negative thoughts so they don’t destroy your mood, read my post, “How to Interrupt Negative Thought Patterns.”
4. Take Care of Yourself
During the holidays it’s easy to get lost in focusing on the needs and wants of others, but make sure to take time for yourself. Take frequent breaks, get yourself that sugar cookie latte, plan downtime to watch holiday movies, or read favorite books. You can also take time off from work and say no to some social obligations.
If you don’t manage your own needs and find moments for yourself then your holiday anxiety will continue to fester. You would be amazed at what a 10-minute coffee and pastry break can do for your mental health.
However, the key again is to be present in these moments. Don’t dwell on everything you have to do, or everything you’re worried about, just enjoy and notice whatever you’re engaged in.
5. Take Steps to Ease Your Holiday Anxiety
There are many different ways to ease anxiety. I wrote about several of them in my post, “14 Ways to Ease Anxiety When You’re Overwhelmed.” Here are a few to get you started:
Practice breathing exercises — box breathing, taking 10 deep breaths, or anchor breathing can help calm you down.
Write your feelings down — Writing down your feelings can help you to organize your thoughts, release negative emotions, and give you a place to start to work through your anxiety and move past it.
Spend time outside — Spending time in nature can be another great way to ease feelings of anxiety. Being in nature can help you feel more grounded and more in tune with yourself. So go sledding, take a horse-drawn carriage ride, or simply go outside and build a snowman.
6. Set Boundaries
Your time is your own, you should only spend it with people who make you feel good about yourself. Don’t invite toxic people into your life. If you have toxic family members and you don’t want to attend family functions, you don’t have to. This can be easier said than done because parents can often guilt their children into these types of activities.
I struggle with this personally, my mother has conditioned me to feel guilt my entire life, and when the holidays come around it can be laid on even thicker. To combat this, I visualize the guilt as a heavy rock that I’m carrying, and then I imagine it turns to sand and falls through my fingers. When I do this, I can better make the decision that’s best for me.
Your family will likely be upset with you if you refuse to attend, but your mental health is what’s most important. At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, “do I care more about maintaining this relationship with my family member or my well-being?” When you prioritize spending time with people who make you feel good, you may find that you have fewer negative thoughts about the holidays.
Don’t Let Holiday Anxiety Bring You Down
Though there are many reasons why the holidays can be a stressful time, holiday anxiety doesn’t have to ruin the season. If you learn to focus on the small moments, let go of negative thinking, and prioritize your mental health then you can find joy. Addionally, if you’re looking for more strategies to manage different types of anxiety, check out — The Ultimate Guide to Anxiety: A Deep Dive from Someone Who’s Been There.
The better you get at managing your holiday anxiety, the more it will truly feel like the most wonderful time of the year.
