You know that feeling when you’re so tired of the constant negative thoughts in your head and you just want them to stop? Does it ever seem like the more you struggle with them, the more they seem true?
Negative thoughts, worries, emotions, etc., tend to feed on themselves and become more prominent in our minds as time goes on. When this happens, it’s exhausting and stressful. It can feel like negative thoughts are controlling your life, preventing you from finding peace and calm.
Well, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Challenging negative thoughts can be a way to create distance from them and take back control of your mind.
In this article, I will help you better understand why people get stuck on negative thoughts and how you can challenge them to take away their power. You will learn several techniques for challenging negative thoughts, and the goal behind them. By the end, you will be ready to take the next steps toward a more joyful life.
When Negative Thinking Becomes A Problem
Negative thinking is often caused by worries about the past, present, or future. It can also come from fears, self-judgments, difficult circumstances, anger, predicted future scenarios, and trauma to name a few examples.
Having negative thoughts is normal. In a weird way, it’s your brain’s attempt to protect you. Our ancestors had to continually assess if danger was on the horizon so they could stay alive. No one wants to get eaten by a lion. In our modern society, this anxious function is less useful. So, when you have anxiety about failing a test, starting a new job, finding a parking spot, and so on, it’s just your brain’s way of trying to guard you.
If you have occasional thoughts like this, then it’s nothing to be too concerned about. It’s natural. However, there are times when negative thinking becomes a problem.
Consider this example, if your negative thinking stems from a lack of self-confidence you probably tell yourself you’re not good enough, you can’t do it, and that you shouldn’t even try.
If you were to get curious about why you feel that way, you may discover that it’s because you’re worried you will fail. This worry may even prevent you from taking action in a certain area of your life that you would like to change. When negative thinking affects your behavior and prevents you from living the life you want to live that’s when it becomes a problem.
Why You Should Challenge Negative Thoughts
Many people, myself included, can get so hooked on personal ideas, beliefs, attitudes, feelings, emotions, and memories that it prevents us from doing things that could enrich our lives. This being hooked, or stuck, on these types of thoughts is called cognitive fusion, and it’s the reason why you should challenge negative thoughts. For the purposes of this article, that definition isn’t important. What’s important is recognizing when this happens and what it prevents you from doing.
Think about the repetitive negative stories that you tell yourself and reflect on the following questions:
- When negative thinking holds your attention, what happens, or doesn’t happen? Are there things you stop doing or plan to do? Do you act differently?
- Do you ever act on these negative stories? If you let them guide what you say and do how does that show up for you?
- When negativity clouds your mind how does it affect your mental state? Do you disengage from life or people?
After reading these questions, do you believe that negative thoughts are affecting your behavior? Are they preventing you from living the life you want to live? If so, then you should challenge these negative thoughts.
Taking Power Away From Negative Thoughts
To take power away from negative thoughts, there’s a technique you can use called cognitive defusion. Simply put, defusion is just a way to create distance from your thoughts. There’s an exercise called “Hands As Thoughts” that you can do to help you better understand how it works. This exercise is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and comes from the book “ACT Made Simple” by renowned psychotherapist Russ Harris:
Pretend that your hands represent your thoughts and feelings. Then, look around the room you’re in and imagine that everything you see represents what’s important in your life. Your family your job, relationships, health, etc. Now, hold your hands together palms up like an open book. Slowly, raise your hands up to your face until they cover your eyes. Now try to look at the same room representing all that’s important to you through the gaps in your fingers. Notice how this affects your perception.
This exercise is a metaphor for how negative thoughts can cloud your mind. When your vision is covered it’s hard to see and act on the things that are important in your life. You can use defusion techniques to create space from these thoughts similar to how your perspective changes when you lower your hands. It’s not that you get rid of negative thoughts, you’re just creating space, so they lose their power over you. Read the next section for examples of different defusion techniques.
Four Techniques to Challenge Negative Thoughts
1. Thoughts Are Not Facts
One effective way to create distance from negative thoughts is to reframe them. Let’s consider the example of someone suffering from depression. They may constantly beat themselves up by saying comments like, “I’m worthless,” “I’m a loser,” “I’ll never be happy.” They can reframe these judgments by adding “I’m having the thought that …” in front of each statement.
So, it’s, “I’m having the thought that I’m worthless.” “I’m having the thought that I’m a loser.” “I’m having the thought that I’ll never be happy.”
Notice the separation from the thought. It’s not that the thought goes away, but you acknowledge it as a thought, not a fact, and it can lose its power over you.
2. Silly Voices
To break the hold a negative thought has over you, you can try saying the thought in a silly voice. You can use a French accent, an Elmo voice, a higher or softer pitch, or something you make up. Adding an element of humor or silliness can break the grip of a negative thought. It’s similar to the Riddikulus curse in the Harry Potter series. If you haven’t read the books or seen the movie, the children banish their fears by magically turning them into something silly. You can watch the scene below:
Please note, that this is not meant to trivialize or solve your real problems. It’s just a method to help you step back and observe your thoughts without attaching to them so you can make progress in your life.
3. Pop Up Ads
Visualize your thoughts as pop-up ads on a computer screen. Acknowledge their presence and if the thoughts are not helpful towards your goals in life, then visualize closing out of them.
4. Give The Story A Name
When negative thoughts are repetitive you can give them a name. Consider the example of depressive thoughts. If you’re constantly telling yourself “I’ll never be happy,” you can call it the I’ll Never Be Happy story. Then, the next time your brain starts trying to convince you this is a fact say, “thanks brain, I know you’re trying to protect me but that’s just the I’ll Never Be Happy story again.” Then move on with your day.
You don’t have to get rid of negative thoughts to live a fulfilling life, you just have to learn how to challenge them and break free from their hooks.
The Goal of Challenging Negative Thoughts
One of the benefits to cognitive defusion is that it can often help you feel better and even ease some anxiety. It’s important to note that while this can happen it’s not the aim of the process.
The goal of challenging negative thoughts is to prevent them from holding so much power over you that they affect your behavior. Challenging these negative thoughts, fears, worries, etc., will enable you to be more mindful so that you can make decisions to live your life the way you want to live it. Challenge negative thoughts with cognitive defusion so that negativity doesn’t hold you back.
For most of my life, I had a strong desire to get rid of my anxious thoughts because they were negatively affecting my life. I was too scared to do many different things. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to conquer my anxiety and push past it until I learned that I can accept and make room for it without letting it affect my behavior.
Avoiding negative thoughts or trying to get rid of them is like holding a ball underwater, eventually, it’s going to pop up. The more you struggle with these types of thoughts, the stronger their hold will be on you. When you can learn to detach from thoughts and view them simply as thoughts, not facts, then you can start to make progress.
How Challenging Negative Thoughts Can Change Your Life
If you found the information in this exercise helpful, I would encourage you to learn more about cognitive defusion. A good place to start is by reading the book, “The Happiness Trap,” by Russ Harris. It’s an easy read that will help you understand how to develop psychological flexibility in dealing with life’s problems.
Once you’ve learned how to challenge negative thoughts aka unhook from them, then a good next step is to start focusing on values-based action to help you live a meaningful life. I wrote a blog post about how to do this called, “How Do Values Affect Behavior.” It’s a good place to start.
I wish you the best of luck in trying to challenge your negative thoughts. If I can do it, so can you and it will change your life.
