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When raising children, we often focus on the big important needs like making sure they are fed, sheltered, healthy, and educated. Of course, many of us also want to make sure we raise happy children, but it’s easy to lose sight of this goal in the exhausting experience that is parenting. We often forget to take time for ourselves, to disconnect from our devices, and to tune into the needs of others.
Working on your own mental health is an important first step when it comes to leading a mindful family. When I started learning how to connect with the present moment through ACT therapy I found myself sharing techniques I learned with my family. In a post I wrote about my mental health success story, I talk about how I didn’t feel supported as a kid when I expressed problems I was having. Because of that experience, it became important for me to help my kids develop mental resiliency, so that they don’t suffer from the same issues.
Being present in the moment, connecting with others, and developing a sense of mindfulness are all skills that you can teach your family. And, whether you’re just starting your mental health journey, or you feel like you’ve got it down, the following 20 ways to create a mindful family are sure to help improve everyone’s mental health.
1. Ask Questions to Help Kids Focus on the Present
Focusing on the small moments of everyday life is a key to happiness. You can help your kids do this by asking them questions that will reframe their experiences.
One of my favorite questions to ask my family is, “what was the best part of your day?” So, whether they had a good day or a bad day they have to focus on something positive.
Some other questions you can ask include:
- Observe the room, what are three unique things you notice that you don’t normally think about?
- If you had to pick an emotion to define your day, what would you pick? If the emotion is negative, ask if there’s anything they could have done to approach the day with a different attitude. Stress that sometimes the only thing we can control is our own emotions.
- Is there anything you’ve missed out on today because you were distracted?
- How do you feel in this moment?
2. Make Meals a Family Affair
Cooking is a great way to connect with and enjoy the present. Turn on some music and get your kids involved. Not only will this improve mindfulness by focusing on the task at hand, but it will also help you bond with them. As an added bonus, you’re teaching them an important life skill in addition to mindfulness.
It doesn’t have to stop at preparing a meal. Make it a point to sit down together as a family to eat. This will help to create a sense of togetherness, strengthen the bonds of family, and reinforce the importance of food. Also, I’ve found that when my picky eaters help cook the meal, they are more likely to eat it.
To make the experience a positive one, set some ground rules. No negativity at the dinner table. Because my wife and I both work, we sometimes only see our kids at dinner so it’s easy to get caught up in chores that need to be done, making sure they did their homework, or bringing up family issues. Don’t let this happen during dinner, be present for the experience.
3. Make Mindful Eating Fun
One way to keep a meal focused on the present is through mindful eating. Eating mindfully means tuning into the experience of eating. You can help kids do this by framing it as a game and leading them through a series of questions. Ask them:
- How hungry do you feel?
- What does the food smell like?
- Can you describe what it looks like?
- Take a bite, what does it taste like?
- Take another bite, what does the texture feel like?
- What sound does the food make when you bite into it?
- How does the food make you feel?
- When they’ve taken more than a few bites, ask them if their hunger has changed.
As they continue eating, tell them to pay attention to all of these senses and to stop when they no longer feel hungry. When they’re finished, ask them what they thought of the exercise.
Not only can mindful eating help create more enjoyment of meals, but it can also help build a healthy relationship with food. By teaching kids to focus on hunger cues it may help them avoid unnecessary weight gain in the future.
4. Be Present When Playing with your Kids
Play is an important part of a child’s development and it’s fun at any age. Find ways to play with your children that will keep them actively engaged. Choose toys and activities that will challenge them, but that will also spark their curiosity and interest.
One of my favorite activities is playing a board game. Board games are great because they give you a chance to disconnect from screens and gather around a table together. Two of my favorites to play with my kids are Ticket to Ride and Cards Against Humanity: Family Edition.
Ticket to Ride is a modern classic in the same league as Monopoly and Life. Each player gets a set of trains and locations, and they have to connect routes on the map that are each worth different points. Whoever scores the most points in the end wins. I can’t recommend it enough.
Cards Against Humanity: Family Edition is also a ton of fun. This version is clean, and the hilarious combinations your kids come up with will have you cracking up. My kids always ask to play again every time we finish a round.
You know what interests your kids the most, so pick something that’s age-appropriate youall will love.
5. Take a Family Walk
Getting outside and taking a walk is great for mental health. Mindful walking is even better. A mindful walk is an exercise in paying attention to your surroundings. It’s an opportunity to slow down and be present in the moment. This is another technique you can present as a game to your kids.
As you begin the walk, ask them to pay attention to their stride and the way their feet hit the ground. Is it long or short? Hard or soft?
After a couple of minutes ask them to notice the movement in the rest of their body. Does their body shift from side to side, or do their arms swing back and forth?
When a few more minutes have passed ask them to expand their senses to sound. You can ask questions about what they hear. Then every few minutes expand to other senses like sight, smell, and feel.
Once you’ve gone through each sense tell them to expand their awareness and notice all these things together. After you’ve given it a little more time, ask them how they felt about the experience.
6. Help Your Child be Mindful of Feelings and Emotions
Kids express themselves through play, feelings, and emotions. It is important to help your child learn to be mindful of these. What are your child’s emotions? What does your child’s behavior indicate? This can be a great way to begin a conversation and help them to recognize, understand, and manage their own feelings and emotions.
Being open with your family and regularly discussing emotions will help them learn to be more in touch with how they feel from moment to moment.
7. Create Opportunities for Mindful Moments
Watching the sunset, walking on the beach, and looking at the stars are all great opportunities to live in the now, and connect with the natural environment. You can plan this activity or be spontaneous.
For example, my middle child loved it when we went to a dark park to view a meteor shower. Not only did they love it, but it also sparked an interest in astronomy, physics, science, and NASA.
If you’re not a planner, try to recognize moments and point them out to your kids. A sunset is a great opportunity to do this.
8. Teach Your Kids to Practice Gratitude
One of the best ways to create a mindful family is to teach your kids to be grateful. Gratitude is a powerful way to promote happiness, health, and well-being. Practice expressing gratitude daily. Start by expressing gratitude for the smallest things like a good breakfast or a favorite television show.
You can also use gratitude to reframe negative emotions. If one of my kids is feeling down, I may ask them to name five things they are grateful for. This often helps them feel a little better.
To reinforce gratitude, try making it a habit to talk about it.
9. Keep a Family Journal of Shared Experiences
One of the easiest ways to implement mindfulness is through journaling. Journaling can help you focus and look inward. It can also highlight positive experiences and increase gratitude (among other benefits). Journaling as a family offers all the same benefits, but it also will help strengthen family ties and keep a record of joyful memories.
Another great aspect of a family journal is the fact that everyone has a different perspective. You can take turns writing in it or pass it around to everyone. It’s not something you have to do every day to reap the rewards, you could simply take it out after a notable experience. Consider this Family Gratitude Journal to get started. Or click the link to search for a different one on Amazon.
10. Learn New Skills Together
Learning how to do anything new is therapeutic because it requires focused practice. It’s also rewarding because you feel a sense of accomplishment when you improve. Don’t hesitate to share this experience with your family.
There are great apps that will help you learn how to play guitar or speak a new language. Pretty much any hobby you can think of will have a YouTube tutorial. Or, if you prefer a more hands-on experience sign-up for lessons.
11. Use Family Date Night to Foster Mindfulness
It’s hard to look at your phone or watch TV when you’re doing something active. Whether it’s going to a painting workshop, listening to live music, or playing mini-golf, your family will have to stay engaged. Hopefully, they will also have fun and make memories.
12. Exercise as a Family
I don’t know about you but when I’m physically active I have trouble focusing on anything but my present activity. Not only am I in the present, but I always feel great after I’m done. Exercising with your family will have the same benefits.
It’s not something you have to do all the time for it to be beneficial. If you’re looking for something to start with, yoga is a great choice because it has mindfulness baked right in.
13. Teach Your Kids How to Practice Empathy
Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. To do this you have to be present with people when you’re speaking to them.
A great way to help your children practice empathy is by using it when they have a disagreement with someone else. Ask them to make an effort to understand the other person’s point of view and see things from their perspective.
You can say to them:
- Why do you think the other person feels this way?
- Try imagining how your life would be different if you were in their shoes.
- Are they facing any challenges that may have shaped their opinion?
- Does this change how you feel about the situation?
You can also talk to them about your experiences practicing empathy. To learn more about empathy, check out my post, “Can You Have Empathy for Someone You Hate?”
14. Garden With Your Kids
Growing your own vegetables, fruit, and herbs can be a great way to create a mindful family. Not only will your vegetables provide a valuable source of vitamins, minerals, and fiber, but they can also be a fun and creative family activity. You can grow a vegetable garden together in the backyard, an herb garden in the kitchen, or a fruit or berry garden in the front yard.
15. Play Video Games Together
My son loves video games. It’s practically all he does. So, if I want to spend quality time with him, I play too. Gaming can be a great distraction, and according to WebMD it can also help people deal with anxiety, depression, ADHD and PTSD.
Playing video games with your kids is also a hobby that can connect you with them when they get older. I wish my dad would play with me, and when my son is in his thirties, I hope we’re still gaming together.
16. Teach Kids How to Defuse Negative Thoughts
Learning how to interrupt negative thought patterns is a crucial skill when it comes to developing mental resiliency. Books can and have been written about this subject, so I encourage you to learn more about how to do this. But, to get you started here’s a couple exercises you can practice with your children.
If they express a negative thought, such as “I’m ugly,” or “I’m not smart enough,” you can help them create some distance from those thoughts. Tell them to try rephrasing the thought. So instead of saying “I’m ugly,” ask them to say, “I’m having the thought that I’m ugly.” Then ask if they notice the difference.
Our thoughts are not facts and creating distance from them and learning to observe them objectively is called cognitive defusion.
Another exercise, that I learned in ACT therapy is to try singing the negative thought to the tune of happy birthday. It sounds silly, and that’s kind of the point. When you reframe the thought as something silly you create distance making it easier to accept it as a thought and not a fact.
17. Teach Your Kids Mindful Sleep Habits
Poor sleep habits can have many negative effects on a child’s development, including negatively impacting their attention, behavior, and emotional well-being. As your child grows, you can begin to teach them ways to relax and fall asleep, such as practicing mindfulness before bed.
Here are some great ways to do this:
- Before your child’s official bedtime create a downtime. No devices and no television. You can read a book together, or if they’re older they can read on their own. Just make sure it’s a light activity that’s not too stimulating.
- After they brush their teeth and get into bed have them do a meditation. The Calm app has great meditations for kids, and you can share your subscription with them.
- When they’re ready to fall asleep let them listen to a bedtime story. There are lots of great podcasts you can pull up for kids, and Calm also has Sleep Stories.
Not only are these great habits to teach your children, but they can help you get better sleep as well. This is basically my nightly routine.
18. Explore as a Family
Family outings can be a great way to get your family moving and interacting. Take a bike ride, go to the park, or spend an afternoon at the zoo. Get creative and find activities that your family will enjoy doing together.
19. Teach Your Kids to Meditate by Doing it Together
Meditation isn’t for everyone. Luckily, most of the activities in this list don’t require it, but if you’re interested, it’s great for mindfulness and mental health. I started meditating with my daughter when she was struggling with problems during the pandemic.
When practiced regularly, meditation can be a calm oasis in your day. It can improve your mood and the level of happiness you feel. Share these benefits with your children by looking up meditations for kids online, or use the Calm app.
20. Set a Good Example
As an elder millennial, I often heard the phrase, “do as I say, not as I do,” growing up. This is not the right way to raise a mindful family. If you want your kids to be mentally strong, mindful, and happy then you need to emulate those skills.
Be the example you want your children to be. That’s not to say you have to be perfect. This blog is called Not Quite Zen for a reason. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes, but make sure you’re open and honest with your family when you’re not at your best.
If you make mindfulness and mental health a priority and talk about it with your kids, then chances are it will rub off on them.
Find What Works Best for Your Family
As you’ve discovered, there are many ways to create a mindful family. The key is to find what works best for you and your family. What feels right? What things are fun for you and your family to do? What are the healthy ways to create a mindful family that everyone can enjoy?
There are no steadfast rules for creating a mindful family. The important thing is to try new things, be open to change, and talk about mental health.
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